


when i was young no more

by Blistering_Typhoons



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Battle of Five Armies, Bittersweet, Death, Gen, Loss of Innocence, Ori POV, Violence, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:46:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21783916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blistering_Typhoons/pseuds/Blistering_Typhoons
Summary: The silence after a battle.
Relationships: Dori & Nori & Ori (Tolkien)
Kudos: 13





	when i was young no more

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in 2017, found it again and reworked it a bit. 
> 
> It's a bit angstier than my usual affair, but I hope you enjoy :D

Ori stared at the scene in front of him. Bodies of orcs, dwarrow and elves strewn all over the battle-field, the screams and howls long gone, replaced by a horrible silence.

He gazed in disbelief at his own hands, stained with blood and dirt.

_Paint.  
_

It’s like paint, he thought as he traced the jagged lines of a cut on his hand.

His right hand.

The one he had used to create things, gesture with had now destroyed entire beings.

Ori was never unaware of the horrors of war, but nobody had ever spoken of the quiet that followed.

He himself made no sound as he stepped over the corpses, murmuring prayers to Mahal when he glimpsed a body of one of his own kind. He even wished the elves and orcs a safe journey to wherever.

He staggered over to a rock numbly and sat against it, releasing a shuddered breath as he slid down.

He covered his mouth with his hand, his tears mixing with the blood and mud on his face.

He closed his eyes and bent his head forwards, heaving sobs that racked his body.

He had killed.

He had ended lives.

It didn’t matter who it belonged to, they had still been lives. And many of them.

He cried and cried and cried, never knowing if the pain and guilt would ever stop, never knowing if his hands could drawn again or paint or flip through the pages of his journal as he wrote.

He opened his eyes again, blurry vision staring blankly at his hands again.

_Killer. Monster.  
_

He could distantly hear voices calling out his name.

_Twisted. Broken.  
_

‘’Ori!’’

His head whipped up to see Dori and Nori standing above him.

He had stopped sobbing, but tears still leaked out.

‘’I’m a monster.’’, he whispered, drawing his knees up to his chin, hugging his legs.

His brothers didn’t say anything, just scooped him up in a warm embrace as he cried even harder.

They stayed like that for what seemed eternity before they were found by the rest of the company.

Ori had stopped crying by then, but he felt hollow.

And he knew he would never truly be the same again.


End file.
